Sometimes when we’re watching TV and I’m snacking on seaweed and rice crackers, my husband will have some brilliant idea like, “Let’s get donuts!”
Regardless of my cravings at that moment, or my constant attempts to eat only the fuel my body needs, this lights a fire in me that will not be put out with anything other than a sticky, yummy, glazed, drizzled, sprinkled, stuffed, delicious donut.
Once the D-word has been said out loud there is no stopping me.
Unfortunately, as we all know, donuts are not something you buy in singles. Why should I spend $4 on 2 donuts when I know I can get a dozen for $6?! I usually decide I’ll go for the half dozen and maybe have 2. The reality is, I go for the dozen and we stuff our faces until we can’t stop.
So this is me at the end of the night, looking at a box full of donut crumbs as I eyeball the last one. I pick it up….just to talk….I do have some self-control.
Introducing: Conversations with my Donut. A true love story.
D: PUT ME IN YOUR MOUTH, GIRL. YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO.
ME: I DON’T KNOW IF I SHOULD. I’VE ALREADY EATEN THE REST OF YOUR FRIENDS.
D: I GOT ALL DRESSED UP FOR YOU. CHECK OUT MY CHOCOLATE FROSTING.
ME: I’VE BEEN HURT BY YOUR KIND BEFORE.
ME: YOUR FROSTING DOES LOOK SO GOOD.
D: LICK IT.
D: COME ON, GIRL. JUST TOUCH IT WITH THE TIP OF YOUR TONGUE.
ME: MAYBE JUST A LITTLE LICK.
D: OH YEAH, LICK IT LIKE YOU….
ME: (MuuuuuuuuuuuughhhhhmmmmmmmmMMMughhhhBUUUURRP) sigh….smile.